My S.O. has been at 1/2" for a while now, but because of past stretching history, her ears are not looking too wonderful when naked. Before even going out, I know it was mentioned in a conversation that I have an intense dislike for shoddy body mods, especially when it comes to stretching. I want to suggest a downsize to her but I don't want her thinking that I think there's something wrong with her, or that I dislike her, rather than the fact that I think her lobes need to be taken care of.

 

I was never the most tactful person, so I'm coming to you. She knows she doesn't have great stretching history, and knows her lobes don't look good naked (she was afraid to show me as she was changing jewelry at my house ), but I don't know how to go about this....

 I would just mention it would be in her and her lobe's best interest if she were to downsize for a bit since even she admitted to them not looking as good as they could. Offer to buy her some pretty plugs along the way to stretch back if she doesn't have anything to wear or isn't too keen on the idea at first. 

I agree.  She's already admitted that she doesn't have the best stretching history, and she knows she doesn't super healthy lobes, or she wouldn't have been embarrassed to change her jewelry.  Just be straight with her.  If I was her, I'd appreciate the honesty.  I hate when my husband holds things in.  He's always super honest, and, even if it's something I don't want to hear, I always like that he can just come out and tell me.  Plus the fact that you give a shit about her lobes' health should mean a lot to her. :-D

Have you ever downsized?  Maybe you tell her how much better your lobes looked after downsizing?  Or whether or not they got super stretchy after?  Just try to relate to her...maybe if she hears about good results, she'll be more inclined to downsize.

 

Good luck, girl!

 I'd be flattered if someone cared about my lobes that much!   Maybe you could offer to downsize with her, so she doesn't feel weird about it.  Even if your lobes are perfect, a little downsizing couldn't hurt. 

Ambertimestwo:

Maybe you could offer to downsize with her, so she doesn't feel weird about it.  Even if your lobes are perfect, a little downsizing couldn't hurt. 

 

That's what I was gonna say!  Downsize together...?

 Sometimes too being candid, as you were here, works too.  Preface it with saying. It was hard to for me to figure out how to say this because I don't want you to think that I don't like you..in fact, I care about you.. so I am saying... yadda yadda.

 Haha thanks everyone!
I'm actually currently on a downsize because I'm contemplating scalpel for redirection.

 

I'm thinking maybe getting her a bottle of Jojoba and 10mm plugs and I guess being semi candid about it. Would that be a good idea?

 I think yes! As others have said, she knows that her ears don't look the best, and I think being empathic is your best bet...tell her you know she's embarrassed about the look of her ears and that that downsizing would make her feel more confident!

And just say that you believe in being open with each other and 'all that stuff', and that you feel like you should say something for her benefit :)

so this is kinda off topic buuut with the whole downsizing to make your ears look better how does that work and how long should one downsize for? My ears don't look too bad but quite recently my last stretch i did to 7/16 the plugs i had cut in to the bottom on my right lobe it looks kinda gross right now but slowly looking better...

 Take your plugs out for a few months then slowly stretch back up; if you have a tear from stretching then you definitely weren't ready. Leaving your jewelry out completely and letting them heal will give them the best chance of being healthy. Also, use the search feature on the forums...there should be tons of info about downsizing.

the tear wasn't from the actual stretching it was from the plug i ordered off ebay!! got what i payed for crap!! the length was tooo short and when i screwed the tunnel on it went into the back of my ear i had to leave it like that for a few days and it got swollen. It seems to be doing alot better since i've switched the plugs and I do soaks daily and use jojo oil ...i just dun want it to look crappy later on

 That sucks...my answer remains the same though, since your ear experienced trauma (even if not from the actual stretch).

 

paleloser13:

the tear wasn't from the actual stretching it was from the plug i ordered off ebay!! got what i payed for crap!! the length was tooo short and when i screwed the tunnel on it went into the back of my ear i had to leave it like that for a few days and it got swollen. It seems to be doing alot better since i've switched the plugs and I do soaks daily and use jojo oil ...i just dun want it to look crappy later on

It still remains that your ear has experienced trauma and it would be wise to give it some relief by downsizing.

 

I will now ask you to please make your own thread if you have any more problems or questions, as it is not on topic to my question and may be cause for moderator action.

looks like you already thought of my idea, but maybe get her a pair or two of nice glass plugs in a smaller size to help her with the idea of downsizing. and I agree with another reply, sometimes being up-front about everything ("I don't want you to think I don't like you, but I'd like to help you feel better about your ears") is the best way. it's like when my boyfriend offered to exercise with me even though he doesn't need it; at first I was a little embarrassed because it just showed me that yeah, I have gained some weight, but then I thought about it and realized that I want to loose this weight anyway, and having someone care enough to offer to exercise with me is awesome. good luck. : )